It’s Been Five Minutes. Why Don’t I Feel Better Yet?

There was a commercial several years ago for, I believe, Citibank that showed a man at the gym. He weighs himself, runs around the gym once, and then weighs himself again. Not so surprisingly, but to his extreme disappointment, he hasn’t lost a pound.

This is me. I’m not a patient person. That said, I can’t understand why my life hasn’t already improved dramatically considering that I haven’t ingested any gluten in almost SEVENTY-TWO HOURS!

(Speaking of dramatic…)

I should be a completely different person by now, right?

Wrong.

Allegedly, it can take 6-8 weeks to completely cleanse your body of all those glutenous particles. (Apparently those boogers are harder to get rid of than Jack Black at an all-you-can-eat buffet.) Then, once your body is completely gluten-free, it can take another 6-8 weeks for your body to heal itself.

So, basically, in order to discern if gluten is really your kryptonite, you could be looking at a 16 week process – or as I like to call it, forever.

In order to further illustrate my point, let’s take a moment to examine what else one can accomplish in four months. You could:

·         gestate almost half a baby

·         watch two full seasons of Downton Abbey in real time

·         learn a new language

·         build a house

·         lose 20 pounds

And speaking of losing 20 pounds, if I could make that happen while simultaneously ridding myself of the evil gluten, I’d be a happy(ish) camper. Obviously it’s not my primary motivation, but it sure would be a nice byproduct.

In the meantime, my main goal is to just get through tomorrow.

May the odds be ever in my favor.